The Two Most Powerful Words that Shape Your Identity
“For God hath not give us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.” — 2 Tim 1:7
The media is awash with news, tweets and memes about the source, cause and effects of the Coronavirus. There is no shortage of, nor an end to, the mounting conspiracy theories about the virus. And yet the subject remains potently divisive. There are believers and unbelievers, saints and sinners; heck, fruits and vegetables have tested positive for the virus in some countries. COVID-19 statistics have replaced sports scores on social media. As the pandemic rages on, lockdowns are turning into showdowns of defiance in hard-hit places. Despite all the controversies and conspiracies, maybe, we can all agree on one thing — that the virus has had devastating effects across the globe. Either through our action or inaction, economies are taking a bashing; businesses are failing while families are mourning the loss of loved ones. The pandemic is even putting our faith to the test.
But as with everything in life, there are always two sides — negative and positive. The lockdowns have given some people a chance to see clear skies in their cities for the first time in a very long time. Families are spending more time together. And some people have been able to use this time to explore that passion project which they have been putting off in the name of “there is no time.” For some of us, something as mundane as grocery shopping for the family is an achievement made possible by COVID-19.
During one of my trips to the grocery store recently, I did not imagine that I would be making a life decision about which space to park my car. This spot here; no that one over there, what about the one close to the entrance? Yes, the car park was like a desolate place after an alien invasion. As I walked towards the hallway of the mall, I noticed the now-familiar notice in all public establishments — “face mask is mandatory.” And to the left of the sign was a black metal gadget. It was a foot-operated hand sanitiser. You apply pressure to the pedal for the device to squirt a portion of the liquid to your hands. This gadget is impressive; I thought to myself as I walked away, applying the sanitiser to my hands. It is one example of a positive spin-off from COVID-19. People are finding new opportunities from all the bleakness of the pandemic. From App developers to fashion designers, entrepreneurs see opportunities to grow their businesses.
Personally, there are a few positives as well. The past eight weeks is the most prolonged period that I have spent with my family in three years. I have also taken the time to get my passion projects back on track. On top of that list is my passion for writing. My writing goal is to finish writing my first book by the end of July 2020. Although office work is probably more demanding than BC (before COVID-19), I have been able to establish a system that allows for some “me time.” That “me time” includes praying, playing and dinning together with my family. But the dinning together part has led to something else. In less than two weeks of being at home, I had gained close to 6KGs, tipping the scale at just over 90KGs (I do not need to be precise here, do I?). The healthy diet regime that I had adapted was out of the window. I stopped exercising under the guise that I am not allowed to go out cycling, as if cycling is the only form of exercise. Then I started making excuses and using the two most powerful words in the English diction. The two words that shape how we see ourselves, that shape what we believe to be our capabilities and ultimately create our identity, albeit in our subconscious minds. Those two words are short, but they pack a punch.
“They say the two most powerful words in the English language are the shortest: “I am”. Whatever you put after those two words, determines your identity.” — Jim Kwik (from the book Limitless)
Yes. With the weight piling back on, I started saying things like “I am big-boned”, “I am ageing, and my metabolism is slowing down.” Thankfully, I caught myself in my tracks. I soon realised that those statements were only breeding indiscipline, lack of commitment and dragging me into my comfort zone. I was creating an identity that I do not want.
The words I put after “I am” are critical in creating the change in habits that I need to get back to shape. I needed to change how I see myself and to take action towards my health goals. The first step is to, consciously, dismantle the big-bones, older man identity. Next is to replace it with a new identity of a disciplined and active young man. And finally, I will have to take decisive, consistent and disciplined action.
What we say after “I am” is not mere positive talk. We indeed become what we repeatedly hear either from others or from what we tell ourselves. Creating the right mental picture by saying who we are is the first step towards becoming unstoppable.
So, I ask you. Do you know who you are?
I have a challenge for you which I will call the “30 Days to Becoming Unstoppable” challenge. When we start to tell ourselves who we want to be, we will be reprogramming our minds, repositioning our goals and reinforcing the identity that we desire for ourselves.
In the next 30 days, every morning starting from 1st June 2020, I want you to think of one statement that defines who you are and then you post it on your Facebook wall and tag me (@Dunstan Ayodele Stober). Together we will create an unstoppable movement of people who know who they are.
Did you just say this sounds like positive affirmations? If so, you are partly right because they are. But, here is how we will go about the exercise differently to get results.
“As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to become. Take action on your behaviour. Too many people want to feel, then take action. This never works.” — John Maxwell
We will not wait to feel like it before we act. We will do it until we feel like it.
1) We will focus on five primary areas of life — faith, family, finances, fitness and fun. We will dedicate one week of the month to build our identity in these five areas:
a. 1–7 June: Faith
b. 8–14 June: Family
c. 15–21 June: Finances
d. 22–30 June: Fitness and fun
2) Identify the negative things that we tell ourselves unconsciously. For example, I sometimes tell myself that I am not an author because I have not written any books yet. What are your negative beliefs? Jim Kwik calls them ANTs — automatic negative thoughts.
3) Replace the negative talk with the positive identity statements that you will post on Facebook. For example, I start saying that I write and therefore, I am an author. What will be your “I am” statements?
4) Make a journal of the habits that you need to stop and the ones that you need to start to internalise the identity that you want to create. For example, I start with writing daily, no matter how small. I need to get a coach to help me write my first book.
5) Take action every day. Words alone will not make us unstoppable. It is the start of the process of changing our mindset and our belief system. But we need to take action to avoid despair. According to Joan Baez, “action is the antidote for despair.” In my case, one of my actions was to get a writing coach. I have researched on my book topic. And now, I will write every day until I finish the book.
Please drop me a private Facebook message (or email me, if you have my email) if you would like me to be your unstoppable accountability partner during the 30 days challenge.
Change your words, change your thinking and take action.
I am unstoppable; are you?
“It’s simple, but not easy.” — Jim Rohn
Ps: Do not forget to tag me @Dunstan Ayodele Stober on Facebook, and you will be among the first that I will notify when my new book is out.
Resource:
Here is an article about positive self-affirmations, their origins, neuroscientific research to support their effectiveness and their benefits.
