The 45 Most Important Life Lessons I have Learnt @ Forty-five
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” — Matt 6:33
The date is 2nd December. It’s my birthday.
I feel like it was yesterday that I wrote: “44 Things I have Learnt @ Forty-four”.
365 days later, I am celebrating my 45th birthday. The days, weeks and months have gone by so quickly. But I do not ask the question — “how did time go by so quickly?” To paraphrase Michael Altshuler
They say that time flies when you are having fun. The good news is that I am the pilot.
During the flight of the past year, I experienced some turbulence, some tailwinds and some headwinds. I had some good takeoffs and excellent landings, and some not so good ones too.
I know I still have many more miles to cover. But I will like to take this time to show gratitude to God for His grace, mercies and favour that have brought me this far. I am grateful for my family and friends, who continue to show me love and give me encouragement and support. Without God, family and friends, I may not have gone through all the storms of the past year.
My birthdays are special days that I use to reflect on the successes of the past year and take note of lessons that I have learnt along the way. And 2018, I decided to share some life lessons that I believe will help someone, somewhere in the course of their flight of life.
This year, I will carry on my tradition of sharing the most valuable lessons that have shaped my philosophy — one lesson for each year.
Here are the 45 most impactful lessons that I learnt about work, life, career, relationships, business, leadership, family and faith.
1) Put God First
Denzel Washington put it best:
“Put your slippers way under your bed so when you get up in the morning, you have to get on your knees to find them. And while you’re down there, start your day with prayer. Ask for wisdom. Ask for understanding.”
I commit everything I do and every decision I make to God in prayer. My parents taught me well.
2) Be grateful
I am grateful for life; for my family and close friends; for my mentors; for the challenges that I have overcome to become who I am; and above all, I am grateful to God for his grace.
3) Never forget the people who helped you
I feel blessed. God continues to place some amazing people along my path. Friends who helped me to pay my school fees. Leaders who took time to teach me and gave me a chance. I do not take these for granted, and I will certainly not forget those who contributed to my journey.
4) Attitude will get you where aptitude can not
The people that I have enjoyed the most productive relationships with at work, in business and friendship are those with the greatest humility and selflessness. I believe humility and a teachable spirit are important ingredients for success.
“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” — Zig Ziglar
5) A healthy body leads to a healthy mind
I feel at my productive best on the days I put in, at least, 20 minutes of exercise before work. This routine forces me to wake up early. My mind is active before I step into the office. Take this from a guy who lost 30Kgs in a two year’s journey. Worth it!
6) Do not worry about the unknown
I have learnt not to stress over what I don’t know, and I do not go looking for some bad news. We had a saying that goes like this — “don’t trouble, trouble until trouble troubles you.” Funny old cliché that I have found to be useful advice. It helps my sanity.
Also, the fear of the unknown inhibits change and success. Do not let your dreams die because of the fear of what is unknown.
7) Writing down my big hairy audacious goals is the first step to success
I dream big. I set scary targets for myself. But I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, nor do I keep my plans in my head.
I write my goals down on a five-year life plan workbook so I can track my progress against each goal. My five-year plan includes goals about my writing, about personal development and my career. I have financial goals, health goals and spiritual goals.
I have not always met all of my goals. And I do not know if I will achieve all of them in the future. But I do know that I will become a better person for trying.
8) Use what I have to build what I want
I still have the scars from working as a bricklayer to pay some of my school fees. I was using the strength of my youth to build the foundations of the life of my dreams.
We will have something to trade for what we have. We have time. Find your gift and use it.
9) Give your best or nothing at all
The effort that I put into anything that I do is binary. It is zero or one; go big or go home.
I give 100% at all times, wholeheartedly and with the best preparation possible. When I write, when I ride, and at work, I want to be able to say that I gave my best.
10) It is better to make progress than to aim for perfection
When I was much younger, I used to wear the perfectionist badge with pride. But not anymore.
I will not wait for it to be perfect. I will start. I will try as long as I am moving forward.
11) Integrity and a good name is better than monetary riches
As they say, our reputation precedes us. I believe that our “name” is the biggest currency we have to trade.
12) The key to learning is unlearning
I assume zero knowledge to free my mind to discover new things.
I keep learning long after my education was over. If I am to continue to be relevant and be of value, I need to keep learning and improving.
There is no better time for learning, knowledge and information than this present time.
13) My happiness is my responsibility
I choose to be happy no matter what. It is a conscious decision that is not determined by what I have, where I am or how I look. It is my choice.
14) It doesn’t matter what people say; it is my reaction that counts
There are only two opinions that matter to me. What I believe God says about me and my opinion about myself. The rest I take under advisement. This post on social media summarises it well.
“What will people say?” This sentence has killed more dreams than anything else in the world.
15) It is not what you say but how you say it
Words are powerful. I have not only learnt to use them wisely but also be mindful of how I use them.
Be gentle with your words.
16) Communication is the most important skill you can learn
Your audience will miss your message if you do not communicate it clearly, honestly and passionately.
17) You need a mentor to grow
I know I would not have made it this far without the people who continue to mentor me. My mentors challenge me, coach me and help me to see what is possible.
Do you need to grow? Find a mentor.
18) Leadership starts with you
I cannot lead others if I cannot lead myself to do the difficult things that I need to do for me to grow. I must first convince myself before I can convince others.
Discover yourself if you want to lead others.
19) Focus on making a difference and not a Dollar
In all the seven cities that I have lived and worked so far, my goal has been clear. Make a difference in the lives of those I touch.
20) Giving is the secret to Abundance
“Givers never lack.” When I do not have something that I want, I will check my giving. It does not matter if it is money, love or respect. Give it and it will come back to you.
How are you giving?
21) The right questions can open doors for you
When I was a kid, my parents used to call me question master. Forty-five years on, I remain curious as ever. I read books, listen to podcasts/YouTube and, yes, ask lots of questions so I can learn new things.
What questions are you asking?
22) Follow your instincts
I have learnt to trust my gut, that deep down feeling I get when logic does not feel right.
“Intellect can explain it, but instinct can find it.” — Bishop T. D. Jakes (author of Instinct)
Can you find the elephant?
23) Where I invest my time is proof of what is important to me
God, family, work, writing and health take up my time. They are the most important things to me.
How are you spending your time?
24) It is dumb to be the smartest person in the room
I improve and grow when I surround myself with people who are smarter and more experienced than me. My intention is not to look smart but to be smart.
I post my best race times when I ride with faster cyclists.
If you are the smartest among your friends, then it is time to reconsider your circle of friends.
25) Time lost cannot be regained, make it count
I strive to make everyday count because I do not want to look back in regret wondering what if. The pain of regret will be heavier than the pain of losing.
Do not count time; make the time count.
26) Listen attentively and be slow to speak
It is folly to speak in haste. Learning to be the last to speak is a virtue of a great leader.
27) You do not get what you want or need; you get what you deserve
I captured this lesson with the paraphrase of a quote from Jim Rohn.
When you plant in the right way and at the right time, you deserve a harvest in due season. I do not feel that I am entitled to anything, but I deserve everything for which I put in blood, sweat and tears.
28) Do not make decisions based on your emotions
I try not to make decisions when I am angry, sad or happy.
29) Nothing good comes without sacrifice, patience and perseverance
There is nothing like an overnight success. If this was true then the night must be very long. It took me almost two years to lose 30 Kgs, through proper eating and regular exercise. I tried all the quick weight loss fads — lose 10Kgs in 7 days.
30) Consistency is the key to excellence
The success of my plans depends on the consistency of my daily actions. The small daily habits of writing, exercising, eating right, and learning.
Will you have the patience to grow a bamboo tree?
31) No matter how many times I fail, I will keep getting back up
I have failed in school, I have failed at work, I have failed in my walk with God, and I have failed in business. But no matter how many times I fail, I will pick myself up and go again. Never give up!
32) Life is like a crossword puzzle; each one is unique
My life is unique, so I do not try to copy anyone else’s life. I live on my terms, to be at peace with God, with those I love and my conscience.
33) Every vision need a support team
If Jesus needed 12 disciples, why should I try to do it all alone? I rely on my team at work, my family and friends who are willing to tell it to me as it is and not what I want to hear.
Who is in your support team?
34) You need a cheerleader to support you across the finish line
I have times when I doubt myself. I have moments when my spirit is low and unwilling. In this like these, my cheerleader would tell me — “you’ve got this!”
“Sometimes you have to believe in someone else’s belief in you until your own belief kicks in!” — Les Brown
We all need someone to believe in us.
35) The most difficult time can be a sign of a breakthrough
“The setup will be greater than the setback.”
At one point in my professional career, I was down. I was demoted because I did not make my exams. But the demotion became a setup for me to learn the ins and outs of financial operations. I am a better accountant because of that experience.
36) Be a kid
As a kid, we can try anything without fear of failing. I search for my inner child to do my best creative work.
37) I will never use people for my benefit
I value people relationship and the impact I make. If I cannot add value to someone, I best leave them alone.
38) How I handle the little things will determine how I will do with the big things
Dad will always remind me of this verse of the scripture — “Do not despise these small beginnings…” — Zech 4:10. You never know where the little things will lead.
You don’t get better just because you have a bigger responsibility. You get a bigger responsibility because you were better with the small things.
39) Do not sweat the small stuff
I have learned to let the small stuff slide. I try not to be major on the minor stuff. (Jim Rohn)
40) Don’t judge people by their present circumstance, you never know what they will become
I know better from my humble beginnings. The first deaf comedian I have ever seen and heard had this to say:
“Please, don’t pass judgement on anyone that you will not want passed upon yourself, because believe me when I tell you there’s no limit as to what any human being can possibly do with their lives. — Kathy Buckley
41) Create the life of your dreams and not dream the life you want
It is not enough to dream; I must take action. Go to the gym, write the books, eat right, make the investment. Do what it takes.
42) There is value in being a problem solver
I have worked in seven different cities, for the biggest telecommunications companies in Asia and Africa because someone remembered me for a problem I solved for them.
Are you solving problems or creating them?
43) I will not put off for later what I can do now
The right time is now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and yesterday is gone.
“Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.” — Eckhart Tolle
44) I will do unto others as I would want others to do unto me
The golden rule!
45) Never complain about the things that I cannot change
I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I grew up in an under-developed country. And I failed the first level of my professional exams three times and got demoted at work. I did not complain. I prepared myself for when the opportunity would come. That is how I got lucky.
“If the driver has the courage to create his own conditions, then the rain is just rain.” (from the movie The Art of Racing in the Rain)
“The future does not belong to the faint-hearted, it belongs to the brave.” — Ronald Reagan
My prayer for you and I is for God to grant us the boldness and courage to create the conditions that will nurture our dreams.
