Keep Standing. Don’t Settle
10 Keys to An Extraordinary Decade
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jer 29:11
“Mr Stober, your passport is full.”
It was the 23rd of December 2019. That alert by the immigration lady made me realise that my 32-page passport got filled as fast as the months of the year seem to have evaporated. The end of another year was upon, almost by surprise. Time seems to flies when we are busy. And 2019 was a busy year for me.
The operating environment in Afghanistan was volatile and challenging. The journey from one month to the next felt like a high-speed roller coaster. Still, I wished there was more time in the year to finish off my outstanding projects. The night before I started my leave, I burnt the midnight oil approving purchase orders, authorising payments and signing off internal memos. The following day was just as intense. I was overcome by that hectic feeling of trying to do all of a month’s work on the day before one goes on leave. The financial closing exercise of the last month of the year is always crucial.
While one part of me was overwhelmed by the undone work that I was leaving behind, another part of me was relieved to be taking a much-deserved break. On the travel day, I arrived at the airport just in time to before the check-in counter closed. At the boarding gate, I was greeted by a much anticipated double beep from the boarding pass scanner. “Sir, I will have to issue you with another pass,” the boarding attendant announced. My eyes glowed. The corners of my lips were almost touching my ears as I looked at the words “Business Class” on the top-left corner of my new boarding pass.
What a beautiful present to kick start my vacation. Sit back, relax and enjoy the Emirates’ hospitality — good food, drinks, and a movie to pass the less than three hours flight to Dubai. During the brief pre-takeoff formalities, I started to reflect on my Life Plan. 2019 was a good year and a solid foundation to set my 2020 plans, not resolutions. I stopped making New Year resolutions four years ago when I crafted my first Life Plan. That plan remains a working document to this date. I wrote about my Life plan in the article below:
Shortly after takeoff, my mind switched off. I was too tired to think. A movie sounded like the perfect lullaby that the doctor ordered. “A drama would do the trick,” I thought to myself. So, I checked out the trailer of “Brian Banks,” a flick inspired by actual events in the life of a teenage American football prodigy. By the end of the movie trailer, my back was upright, and the sleep knocked out of my eyes. I got curious not because I wanted to clear the confusion about how they play the game with their hands, but get to call it football. I could relate to Brian’s story of resilience, determination and the will to survive.
When he was 16 or 17 years old, Brian Banks was arrested and jailed for a crime that he did not commit. It took him 13 years after that to make his dream professional debut. Over those 13 years, he gave his all into getting the court to overturn his wrongful conviction of a registered sex offender so he can have the chance to pursue his dream.
“I spent six years in prison and the past three on parole for a sex offence that I did not commit,” Brian noted in one of his many letters to Justin Brooks. Justin Brooks was an attorney who had set up a project to fight cases of wrongful convictions — California Innocence Project.
It has been a long night from the carwash to the finance hot seat. Through the drama of Brian Banks’ landmark case, I found the following ten insightful keys to achieving one’s dream and living an extraordinary life, that resonated with my life’s journey.
Have a dream
Brian was on his bed, dreaming about playing a game on the biggest stage of American football — the National Football League (NFL), when the police barged into his bedroom to arrest him. The system was about to take away a dream he has had since he was six years old.
I remember when I was about five or six years old. My favourite role play was a teacher and shrubs around the yard were my students. I would carry a cane while teaching the plants my nursery rhymes and beating “those” who did not want to learn.
It was my dream to educate, motivate, and inspire. I am pursuing that dream today through my writing, in my professional life and my business.
“A dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energises your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it.” — John C Maxwell
Don’t quit.
Brian Banks wrote in his letter to Justin Brooks, “I wrote you two years ago from CMC, and you turned me down. But I don’t stay down. Not for long.”
At some point in our lives, someone or something have made us want to quit.
In February 1997, I was fortunate to escape the rebel invasion in Freetown when KPMG Sierra Leone sent four of us on an exchange program to KPMG Nigeria. We were to work as interns while studying for our professional accountancy qualification — ACA. Given my high flying grades on which made KPMG recruited me, I was confident that I would breeze through the chartered accountancy program in record time. But, my journey back to earth was a swift and brutal reality check. I flunked my first exams in three consecutive attempts. In less than two years after arriving in Nigeria, I was staring at repatriation. KPMG Nigeria presented me with two options — go back to Sierra Leone or they will demote me to an admin role in the Finance department. I took the latter for a chance to redeem myself. I passed all four stages after that at first attempt. That disappointment gave me the most significant opportunity to be the accountant that I am today because I refused to stay defeated.
“Do not judge me by my success; judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” — Nelson Mandela
Take responsibility
Brian Banks said this while recounting the events that led to his arrest:
“You know that feeling you get that tells you something is off? Some say it’s the voice of God. “Had I listened to that voice, we might not be here today. But I didn’t. And here we are.”
I was angry with the system in KPMG Nigeria after I was demoted. It was as if I was transported from the playground to the jungle. Within two weeks of my arrival, I was admitted to the hospital. The doctors said it was stress. I was 24 years old.
I had my first and only experience of being attacked at knifepoint coming back late from work in Lagos Island. Going to work was a nightmare. We had to take jalopy-looking buses from bus stands that look like a warzone. Passengers screaming and pulling at each other while trying hop into moving vehicles. And vehicles were driving on sidewalks with no regard for pedestrians. On my first day to work, I stood for hours at the bus stand in shock as I watched what looked like a live horror movie. To add to all that, we were given only a few weeks off to prepare for our exams. “Even the best student cannot make the grades in conditions like these,” I tried to console myself. Mom’s replied to dad when I was leaving Freetown replayed in my head. “If people are living and thriving there, so will he.”
If I had not been so over-confident, I would not have failed. I signed up for the lectures, bought the books and dedicated time for the library. I gave myself no room for slip-ups in my email to the senior partner in KPMG Sierra Leone. “Give me two years to complete the next four stages of the program. You have my permission to recall me to Sierra Leone if I fail on this commitment.”
Despite those tougher conditions, I succeeded because I gave up my excuses and self-pity for hard work, dedication and commitment.
Don’t make excuses. Take responsibility for your actions and learn from your mistakes. We give away control of our lives when we blame people, the system and circumstances.
“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. — Jim Rohn
You need a cheerleader
“Yay! That’s my baby!”
No matter the level of noise in the stadium, Brian’s ears were always open to hearing those four words from his mum at the start of every game that he played.
“I know that you will not be able to recall me but believe me, […] I follow you so strongly on [Facebook] on your write-ups. God bless you, [I] always picked up and shall continue to pick up a lot from you.
Whenever I feel low, I just scroll your write-ups.”
The above note from one of my readers gives me the motivation to keep writing during times when I lose the zeal to go on. I will write even if it is to impact that one person who will be lifted by reading my work.
“We had 2,000 fans at every game. But, to be honest, I only heard one.” — Brian Banks
Get a coach
“Coach Carroll was someone I looked up to, and his belief in me made a world of difference,” Brian said of his long-standing coach, who helped to nurture his talent. Coach Carroll offered Brian the first opportunity to get back to the game after the court overturned his conviction.
We all need a technical coach who has our interest in mind, who believes in us and will hold us accountable.
I had the privilege of working with a CFO who helped me to build my career development plan. He gave me honest and direct feedback, both positive and constructive. While some of the feedback was tough to take, they were the guideposts that I needed to develop into the finance professional that I am today.
“A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you have always known you could be.” — Tom Landry
Embrace change
For the court to overturn his conviction, Brian needed to present a new body of evidence that the court did not consider during the first hearing of his case. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Brian. You need something new. [A] new piece of evidence. A new witness who can place you somewhere else at the time of the incident,” John Brooks said to Brian.
Four years ago, I decided that I needed to embrace a different system of planning my life. Verbal, adrenalin-pumping rants of New Year resolutions did not last beyond the first of week of January. Reviewing my Life plan, I can check off my biggest career goals. I writing career is developing at a steady pace. And I am on track to launch my dream business in 2020. These are benefits of my “new evidence” — my Life Workbook.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” — Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi
Find a support system
“Well, you got a real fan club up here, Brian. I’m gonna have a mutiny on my hands unless we do something. So, Marilyn and Alissa are gonna head up to Los Angeles, ask you a few questions, all right?” The paralegals in Justin Brook’s office did not let him rest until he took Brian’s case.
When all evidence was pointing against me in the fraud case back in 2005, the CFO and CEO staked their jobs in vouching for me. When I failed my exams, and I was facing repatriation, the senior partner at KPMG stepped in to support me through the rest of the program. I would not have made it this far with people who supported, trusted and believed in my case.
“I am so lucky. I have a great support system. All I have to do is run.” — Cathy Freeman
Get a mentor
Life was beginning to looking like getting back to normal for Brian after he started dating a beautiful lady, Karina, from a gym club. Karina asked Brian how he survived prison at such a young age. “[I] Almost didn’t. Especially in the beginning. Then I met a man who showed me a different way, and everything changed.”
Early on in my career, I believed that I must be technically superior to my subordinates for me to have authority as their leader. My mentor made me accept that it is okay to be vulnerable as a leader. For the first time, I heard a boss say to his subordinates — “you are the expert in this, what do you recommend?”. That new perspective transformed my leadership style forever.
“One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” — John C. Maxwell
Take risks.
“I go anywhere near that girl, they’re gonna put me right back in prison,” Brian responded to the suggestion that his way out was to get his accuser to say that he did not do it. Taking this risk was his only chance to redeem himself. He eventually got her to confess on video.
Everyone, except my family, saw my move to Afghanistan in 2011 as a big risk. It was a risk. I was leaving the comfort of Johannesburg for Kabul, a city known for nothing but war. But that risk is what set me on course to realising my career goal. I returned to Kabul four years after leaving, to take up my first CFO job.
“Sometimes things come your way, and you have to act on them right then and there or else you won’t have another chance.” — Brian Banks
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost more than 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan
Give something back
“But football gave me an option. It taught me discipline and dedication, and strangely, it gave me faith. Because Mom said, my talent was God-given. So, each night, I promised to give something back in return.” — Brian Banks.
I know that I am where I am today because of the Grace of God. I use my writing to inspire my readers. I empower and help my colleagues to develop their potential. And I try to give back in various projects that I find credible.
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
Brian Bank’s tenacity paid off in the end. He got his accuser to confess on a video recording that Brian did not rape her. He got want the lawyer asked — a confession from his accuser that he did not do it. However, these two words from Justin Brooks about the new video evidence left Brian devastated:
“It’s inadmissible.”
The closing stages before the retrial was the highlight of Brian Bank’s movie for me. Brian’s response after hearing those two words summed up what it means to have an extraordinary life.
“You want extraordinary? I’ll tell you what’s extraordinary about this case.
I am.
It’s extraordinary that I’m still here. That I’m still standing.”
If you miss any of the ten keys, get this. You will achieve an extraordinary life because of one person — You!
You may have had some disappointments in 2019. You did not get that promotion you thought you deserved. It feels like you got less than the efforts you put into your business. You did not hit your health and fitness goals. And it even seems that your prayers were not getting past your head.
Do not spend time thinking about the past, successful or not. “Spend too much time thinking about the last play; you will not be ready for the next one.” — Brian Banks.
Move on, look forward to the new opportunities that the new decade will present. Don’t give up on your dreams, embrace change, have faith and be ready to give back.
Keep standing, do not settle, and you will be on your way to an extraordinary decade.
