How The F Word Gave My Daugther The Courage to Stand Up
Lessons from my 13-year-old that could help us at work
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” — Phil 4:6
“Let your daughter tell you what she did today.”
“Okaaay?” I replied ending the brief phone call with my wife that Sunday afternoon.
“Let her tell you how she did it, but I am shocked,” my wife continued. There was radio silence before I assured her I would call my daughter.
The development was shocking because, to us, Maya is the shiest, most self-conscious and reserved of our kids. We did not see it coming, not from a million miles away. I needed to compose myself to ask the right questions if I was to get to the bottom of things.
But, a WhatsApp message from Maya botched my procrastination gimmicks. Ready or not, here we go. In the forty or so years since I knew what a telephone is, I have never waited so long to hear hello from the other end of a phone call.
Without any hint of panic or anxiety in my voice to avoid scaring her into her shell, I exchanged pleasantries. Then she said the F word that no adult would use to answer the question I posed to my 13-year-old daughter.
“Maya?” I started. “Of all the things you could choose to do, why public speaking?” believe me, this is her response.
“Because it is fun, Dad.”
“Wait, what, Maya? Did you just say FUN? How can public speaking be fun? I quizzed.
“Did you know that some statistics say as high as 75% of people are afraid of public speaking? And did you know some people fear it more than death? What makes it fun for you?”
As if with total disregard for the stats I just blurted out to her, she went on. “Well, I like presenting the logic of my argument. I like it when I do the pauses and the lowering and raising of my voice to create effect and draw attention. And I enjoy the applause.
By all accounts, it was brave of her to choose public speaking and debating as her extracurricular activity.
“I will be going for the gold next time, Dad,” while explaining the WhatsApp message, which made me call her right away. Below the certificate photo, she wrote, “Look, daddy, I got a silver for public speaking.
“How would you achieve a gold rating?” I asked. She answered me by paraphrasing the adjudicator’s remarks. “I will add more facts and data to increase my content and support my argument. I will apply what I learned about ethos, logos and pathos. And, I will practice my breathing.”
I think we have a public speaker in the making. Please drop me a note if you know from where she picked that up because I am still wondering.
The adjudicator noted that Maya’s “opening was profound.” And I would say the same about our conversation. The unsolicited advice she gave about work was genuinely profound, reminding me of my favourite Wayner Dyer’s quote.
“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change.” — Wayne Dyer
Maya changed from looking at public speaking as an act to fear to a fun activity. She thrived by that simple flip of the F word — from fear to fun. As I reflected on this principle, I realised the five things I learned from discussing my 13-year-old’s approach to public speaking I can apply to my work, business and daily living.
1) Don’t overthink
“I didn’t think much about it. I figured it was the best of the options available.” She answered when asked why public speaking.
No facts! No data! No calculations! She went with her gut feel.
Sometimes, we should go with what our gut tells us.
2) Face the challenge
Once you decide to do it, go all in and give it your best shot. Maya stepped a country mile out of her comfort zone to overcome one of the biggest phobias known to man.
Your growth lies outside your comfort zone. Step out and face the challenge.
3) Prepare well
“I practised with my brother and sister as my audience. I rehearsed my speech a few times. And I had my cue cards.” She explained her preparation.
Preparing well instils confidence.
4) Strive to best your better performance
Silver is Maya’s first rating from her first attempt at public speaking. But, she already has a plan of how to do better.
Celebrate your wins, but don’t live in the past. You can always go one notch up. Or at least aim for it.
5) Don’t forget the F word — Have Fun!
The best lesson of all is to enjoy what you do. We cannot mix work and play, but work does not have to feel like a life sentence.
Make room to enjoy what you do and find pleasure in it.
Introduce your high and low pitch and pause to “create effect and draw attention.” Then enjoy the applause.
I believe if you can’t find fun and joy in what you do, fear will set it. And fear cripples performance.
The next time you step up to work, or your business or embark on a new project, remember to relax, reframe your focus and have fun.
Book Recommendations
I choose the following as my top two of the “Eight books that will boost your happiness and your career” featured by Creative Boom.
a) Love Your Job: The New Rules for Career Happiness — by Kerry Hannon (NR)
According to Creative Boom, Love Your Job presents the idea that changing the way you approach your job can be one way of starting to find happiness and work. If you are looking for a guide on how to find fulfilment from your work and make work fun, then this book is your reference. Find out what attitude can get people to notice you.
b) Love Your Work: 4 Practical Ways You Can Pivot to Your Best Career — Robert Dickie (NR)
If you feel stuck, unsatisfied and unfulfilled about your, Robert’s book is here to help you out of that feeling. Let Robert show you how to up your engagement at work.
Love Your Work is a guide to help you find work that fits your desires and ambitions, leaving you satisfied. If doing so requires a career change, you will benefit from Ar Force Officer’s transition.
Citations
Here are three to help you think about loving and enjoying what you do.
“If you do not enjoy what you are doing, you will never be good at it.” — Luke Parker
“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you..” — Maya Angelou
“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change.” — Wayne Dyer
